Home Movies: Slumber Party
by Kira Ashkelon
Summary: Home Movies fanfic because there just aren't enough! What happens when Melissa and Jason stay over at Brendon's with a new cat, drunk parents, and technical toys.
1. The Difference Between Girls and Boys

Home Movies  
Slumber Party  
Part I: The Difference Between Girls and Boys  
  


Paula: (on the phone) Of course Jason can stay over, I thought he lived here anyway.... Yeah, they're always in the basement. ....I don't know what they do.... Have wild crazy lovemaking session, ah ha! ....no, I was just kidding.... They make movies.... What do you mean you don't believe me?! (disgruntled sigh) Just... yes, Jason can stay while you're gone Friday night to your sister's. Okay, I can handle it... No, I think $50 should actually cover the price of the pizza... yeah, thanks. Okay. Buh-bye. (hangs up)  
  
Brendan: What was that all about, Mom?  
  
Paula: Jason's staying over Friday night. That's okay, right?  
  
Brendan: Yeah, it's fine. Gives us a chance to work on a movie we started...  
  
Josie: (gurgles happily from her baby chair)  
  
Brendan: No! How many times do I have to tell you, you're not old enough to be in the movie and we don't need a baby in this one!  
  
Josie: (breaks out crying)  
  
Paula: Brendan, quit torturing your sister.  
  
Brendan: But Mom, she started it!  
  
Paula: She's not even a year old, how can she start it?!  
  
Brendan: Fine...  
  
Josie: (farts in Brendan's general direction) Teehee!  
  
Brendan: See!! She knows exactly what she's doing.  
  
Paula: (picks up a dirty magazine) That's nice, now change your sister's diaper.  
  
**Dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**  
  
Melissa: Hey, Brendan, can I talk to you a minute?  
  
Brendan: Sure.  
  
Melissa: My dad's got a job interview Saturday morning in a town about three hours away, so he's going up there Friday night, and I was wondering if I might be able to stay at your house.  
  
Brendan: Why not, Jason's already staying. We can work on our latest movie.  
  
Jason: Yeah, we can work on our movie.  
  
Brendan: (blinks at him) Where did you come from?  
  
Jason: Blame my mom and dad. (sniggers)  
  
Melissa: (to Brendan) Well, make sure it's okay with your mom because my dad doesn't think it's a good idea for me to be spending the night with boys, but if she says it's okay maybe he'll feel better about it.  
  
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun***  
  
Brendan: (at soccer practice with Coach McGuirk) I talked to my mom about having Melissa stay over with me and Jason Friday night and she said she'd have to think about it. I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, sure Melissa's a girl, but she's always around...  
  
McGuirk: Brendan, your mom is a very wise woman. It takes a lot of intelligence to see the difference between girls and boys and understand that there are some things that shouldn't be screwed with. You know what I'm talking about, right?  
  
Brendan: Yes, Coach, I think I know--  
  
McGuirk: What am I talking about then, Brendan?  
  
Brendan: (blank stare) Well... girls have a.... and boys have a.....  
  
McGuirk: Yes, exactly. Girls have like long hair and stuff, and they wear lots of pink and purple and all those colors manly men like you and I would never be caught dead in....  
  
Brendan: (in his own little world) Boys... Girls.... Eh heh....  
  
McGuirk: ....I mean, there are some guys who wear those colors, but they are probably guys who were tortured by their parents at a young age, parents who wished they had a girl, like my parents.  
  
Brendan: PENIS!  
  
McGuirk: Yeah, I had to wear those little frilly bonnet things, scarred me for life. I'll tell you a secret Brendan... I still wear them at night when I go to sleep....  
  
(both stop talking and stare blankly at the soccer field for a moment)  
  
McGuirk: You know what else is different about boys and girls?  
  
Brendan: What, Coach?  
  
McGuirk: (shouting to some kid on the field) Girls can't kick a damn soccer ball!! Is that what you want to be, Jamie?! A GIRL?!?!?!  
  
Jamie: (has really short hair and a deep voice) But Coach... I _am_ a girl....  
  
McGuirk: Well, if you're a girl, then why don't you wear a dress?  
  
Jamie: Because... we have to dress in gym clothes for practice....  
  
McGuirk: Wear a dress, Jamie. NOW!  
  
Jamie: (shuffles off the field)  
  
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**  
  
((I couldn't remember if Brendan is spelled Brendon or Brendan, so I guess Brendan. Yes, there's more to come, and I'm really miffed that there's not a section for Home Movies because it's SO FUNNY! This fic should not be considered an example of how funny it is, it's my first HM, so just go with it. There is a plot and more is to come.  
  
If you would like to be notified when I update this fic or any of my other fics, please email me at kira@misery.net with your email address, or leave it in the review and specify that you would like to join my NotifyList. Please please join!))  



	2. The Party Begins

Home Movies  
Slumber Party  
Part II  
  


Brendon: (walking into his house) Hey Mom!  
  
Paula: (hauling a naked Josie around by her ankles) Hello Brendon.  
  
Brendon: Woah.... What are you doing to Josie?  
  
Paula: Abusing her, of course.  
  
Brendon: Oh, right. Like you do to all of your children.  
  
Paula: (lays Josie down on the kitchen counter and pulls out a kitchen hand towel) This should work for now... (wraps the hand towel around Josie like a dress)  
  
Brendon: Forget to do laundry again?  
  
Paula: Yep. (finishes putting the on) Do you know when your friends are coming over for the night?  
  
Brendon: I think Melissa's dad is bringing her over around six.  
  
Paula: Good. That's when Jason's coming too. (turns to leave with Josie when a little orange tabby cat jumps up on the counter)  
  
Brendon: (blinks at the cat) Um... what's this?  
  
Paula: It's a cat, Brendon. They say   
  
Brendon: Okay, yes, I know it's a cat. What is it doing here?  
  
Paula: I found it and I just thought it was too cute to leave on the streets, so I brought it home!  
  
Brendon: Whatever Mom...  
  
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**  
  
Melissa's Dad ((who will be known as George from here on because author does not know his name)): Thank you so much for letting Melissa stay here while I'm away, Paula, I appreciate it so much.  
  
Paula: It's not a problem at all, and I hope your interview goes well.  
  
Melissa: (whispers to Brendon and Jason) I don't, because if it does we'll probably have to move...  
  
George: Well, I guess that's all! I'll see you to--- (is cut off by his cell phone ringing) Hello? This is he. Hello, Mr. Coleman sir! Yes I am of course planning on being there tomorrow, in fact I'm just on my way to-- What was that? ...........Oh.......... ..........I see......... Yes, thank you as well........ Good-bye..... (hangs up with a look of devastation on his face)  
  
Paula: Is something wrong, George?  
  
George: No... nothing... it's just... the trip's canceled now....  
  
Melissa: Dad, what happened? You okay?  
  
George: Yes.... Fine.... It's just.... they already found someone they wanted....  
  
Paula: George, maybe you should sit down for a minute.  
  
George: I... think I will....  
  
Paula: (whispers to the kids) Why don't you run on downstairs, I'll take care of him, alright?  
  
Kids: (nod and go away while Paula goes and gets some beer from the refrigerator)  
  
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**  
  
(Brendon, Melissa, and Jason are downstairs working on a movie, and the new cat is sitting nearby licking its paws)  
  
Brendon: But we need a reason why she doesn't want to love him!  
  
Jason: Maybe she should be dying from some rare disease...  
  
Melissa: That's a good idea, Jason, wow.  
  
Jason: Thank you, Melissa.  
  
Brendon: Any ideas on what?  
  
Jason: I heard of something called pubic lice once... that sounds pretty scary....  
  
Melissa: I'm dying of pubic lice?  
  
Brendon: As of now, yes, Melissa, you are dying of pubic lice. Now Jason, go down the hall and when she breaks the news to me that she is dying of pubic lice, you come running down the hall screaming that you have miraculously found the cure.  
  
Jason: Okay... But Brendon, how will I hear her say her line if I'm all the way down the hall?  
  
Brendon: (grins) I was hoping you would ask that. (produces two little speaker and microphone sets from midair) I got this just the other day. You wear this, and you can hear everything that is going on in here. Melissa can wear the other one right now. (hands one set to Jason) Places, everybody!  
  
Jason: (walks down the hall followed by the cat) Dum dee dum... (hears Brendon and Melissa practicing and debating certain lines, and begins to get bored) (looks down at the cat) Hello, little kitty cat! (sniggers suddenly and pulls the tiny speaker from his ear and unlatches the microphone from his shirt collar) Would you like to be part of the show, kitty? (coils the speaker around the cat's collar and latches the microphone onto it)  
  
Cat: (gets very angry by the time he is finished, claws him with a hiss, and bounds out of the basement and up the stairs plagued by voices)  
  
(scene follows the cat upstairs where Paula and George are getting a little _too_ drunk)  
  
Josie: (squeals happily from a bouncing chair when she sees that cat)  
  
Cat: (pads over to Josie) (Brendon's voice is heard from the microphone) Alright, we're ready for this! Let's go!  
  
Josie: (squeals again as Paula and George gaze in a very confused manner at the cat)  
  
Paula: Did that cat just talk?  
  
George: This is some strong stuff you've got here, Paula! Heh heh....  
  
Cat: (turns her face around, her eyes flashing) (Melissa's voice speaks from the microphone) There's something very important I have to tell you...  
  
Paula & George: (lean closely towards the cat in awe)  
  
Cat: I appreciate everything you've done for me, and more than anything, I appreciate the love we have shared. You _know_ that I love you. Unfortunately, it will never work out.... You see, I am dying. I am dying of a horrible disease...   
  
Paula: (speech slurred) Don't worry, Kitty, we can take you to the vet, and he'll make it all better...  
  
Cat: There is no cure. Within three days, I will die.... of pubic lice.  
  
Paula & George: (gaze in astonishment)  
  
Josie: (squeals and reaches for the cat)  
  
Paula: No no, Josie! I don't think this cat is staying with us any longer... (goes and gets rubber gloves from the kitchen, puts them on, then takes the cat by the scruff of the neck and kicks her out)  
  
**dun dun, dun dun, dun dun**  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!  
  
((If you would like to be notified when I update this fic or any of my other fics, please email me at kira@misery.net with your email address, or leave it in the review and specify that you would like to join my NotifyList. Please please join!))


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